


durbe gets trolled

by oogenesis



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M, i don;t fuckign know my guy, vore jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 10:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7615336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oogenesis/pseuds/oogenesis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he doesn't actually</p>
            </blockquote>





	durbe gets trolled

**Author's Note:**

> "a beautiful coming of age story, filled with trials ( alit learning abt vore ), heart break ( also alit learning about vore ) & vector" - zak

nasch was angsting or some shit like he usually does and vector was being a really gay evil little shit like he usually does and durbe was watching with the popcorn.

he wasn't actually eating it because he was in alien form and therefore had no mouth. he was just sort of mushing handfuls of it against his face where his mouth would be. it was for the comedic effect more than anything else

mizael showed up and together they watched nasch go through his 500th tragic character arc while vector continued to be a gleefully obnoxious and gay little shit. "why are you doing that with the popcorn," said mizael.

"it's for the comedic effect more than anything else," said durbe.

"that's stupid," said mizael, and then did his sailor moon transformation sequence into human form. he took a handful of durbe's popcorn and placed it in his mouth, which he now had, because he was human-shaped at this point, and he chewed it and swallowed it and said "see, that's how you do it."

"shut up," said durbe.

"i bet you don't want to do it just because you can't pull off human form as well as i do," said mizael.

"shut up."

"I know, it's hard seeing my willowy frame, angelic face and shampoo-commercial hair and knowing that you'll only ever be a weird awkward owl-looking hipster nerd, but -"

"shut UP," said Durbe, who did not like hearing this because it was true.

alit showed up and slung an arm around each of their shoulders and said "hey guys what's happening in this thread"

"your face," said durbe.

"ha ha ha!" alit laughed. "that was a sick burn! i have been most thoroughly owned!"

it wasn't sarcasm.

"what a nerd," said gilag, who was also there.

"i know, right," said durbe, "he actually said 'most thoroughly owned'-"

"no I meant you. 'your face' is the worst comeback ever," said gilag. "and im the one who's bad at comebacks."

durbe shut up.

"anyway it's boring here," said alit, "want to come with us to the BARian and get some nonalcoholic drinks because we're kids and this is a kid's show -"

"i still can't believe you named it that," muttered mizael absently, scrolling through his phone.

"actually that was me," said gilag.

mizael's eyes flicked upward. "really?"

"what?" said gilag, shrugging. "it's a good pun."

"I love it," said alit. "it's called the BARian, cause we're BAR-ians." he did finger guns every time the said the word. "puns are great!"

"mizael why do you keep checking your phone," said durbe, who was no longer shutting up apparently.

"kaito won't text me back," said mizael, and shook his phone to see if it would make any new messages appear. mizael may be gorgeous but he doesn't know shit about technology.

"you're always waiting for him to text you back," snapped durbe. "what does he have that i don't anyway"

"great legs," said mizael immediately.

durbe couldn't argue with that.

"also a great butt. probably."

"how would YOU know," said durbe, and alit made a very interested noise and said "what have i been missing?"

"i said probably." mizael's face was flushing, except it wasn't in a romantic way but in an angry i-hate-all-of-you way. "i mean you can't wear white leggings every day and not have a great butt. it's practically part of the job requirement."

"whatever," said durbe. "at least MY hair actually makes some degree of SENSE."

alit peered over mizael's shoulder at his phone and said "miza you don't have reception here"

"oh." said mizael.

alit snapped his fingers and said "the BARian has wifi, come on let's go!"

"please stop calling it that," said mizael, and then they all went to the BARian together.

the drinks were all non-alcoholic. "see, what did i tell you," said alit, beaming proudly for some reason, and mizael took out his phone and said "how do i connect to the wifi"

"here," said durbe, and proceeded to hack into the wifi even though he could have just asked alit for the password, but he's a showoff so it had to be this way. he handed the phone to mizael. "there's your wifi."

mizael grabbed the phone and checked his messages.

"oh, sure," said durbe sourly. "I just hacked into the wifi for you, and I don't even get a thank you. no, go on, go and sext kaito to your heart's content or whatever."

"what's sexting," said mizael, then, "he hasn't texted me back."

"oh no what a shame," said durbe, who did not think it was a shame in the slightest.

gilag was using the wifi to play love live. alit was cheering him on. "can you not do that, it breaks my concentration," said gilag, and saying that distracted him and made him miss his full combo. or whatever happens when you get distracted in love live i don't know anything about this game

then the door banged open "HEY WHAT THE FUCK IS UP DIPSHITS"

it was vector.

"can you please call us something else other than dipshits" said durbe and vector cackled and said "nope"

"i bet he's here to show us his vore fics," muttered mizael, and vector turned on him with a big shark-toothed grin and said "thanks for reminding me!!!!!!!!"

everyone groaned.

"wait" said mizael "what's with the teeth how did you get shark teeth"

"i stole nasch's retainer" said vector. his teeth were like shark's teeth. when they were in human form that is

"that's kind of creepy and weird"

"hey you know WHAT ELSE IS CREEPY AND WEIRD? MY VORE FICS"

there was more groaning. alit didn't quite know what was going on but he groaned anyway because it was fun making loud dramatic noises. "what's vore" he thought to himself

"and these are.... SELF INSERT vore fics" said vector and he brought out a bunch of wadded-up paper from somewhere inside his gay jacket.and threw them onto the table. "CHECK IT OUT"

durbe picked one up between thumb and forefinger like a piece of used toilet paper. he looked at it. "'there once was a guy named vector,'" he read, "'who was the coolest gayest awesomest evilest alien of all time -'" he stopped reading out loud but his eyes kept travelling down the piece of paper. they kept getting narrower and narrower. like his patience. "you can't just vore don thousand like that."

"says who?" said vector happily. "says no one."

"i heard v arclight vored the entire SUN," said mizael pointedly. "bet you couldn't do that."

"could too."

"could not."

"could -"

"oh, really," said durbe smoothly, breaking in, "i didn't know that about v, is that what kaito sees in him?"

mizael's head whipped around so fast there was a cracking noise. "kaito WHAT."

"i didn't say anything," said durbe, sounding very smug. mizael stared at him with some kind of facial expression then went very intensely back to his phone.

"hey vector," said alit cheerfully, popping up behind the bar. "can i get you anything? orange juice? apple juice? sprite?"

"vodka," muttered mizael, and alit gasped.

"such words are not allowed in the BARian! this is a family-friendly establishment!" he turned back to vector. "decaf tea? pepsi? milk?"

"MILK?" said vector. "THIS ISN'T 5DS anyway read my vore fic."

"haha okay" said alit and he started to read it and then threw it into vector's face. "THIS IS NOT FAMILY-FRIENDLY"

"no shit" mumbled vector picking it up off the floor

"I HAVE LEARNED WHAT VORE IS AND I DISAPPROVE" he flounced off.

vector was very confused. "since when have ANY of us been family friendly"

"I GOT THE UR" said gilag. what's a ur i dont know anything about love live i am crying also

"i'm gonna go find alit" said durbe and went into the back and saw alit on his knees praying in front of two small shrines of kotori and yuma. they were very pretty shrines, with little candles and flowers that coordinated with their hair.

"oh beautiful angels of puppy love," said alit, "please deliver me from these weirdos, and from vore, and durbe and mizael's weird love triangles,"

"ahem," said durbe.

alit whirled around. "OH HI"

"you know you're not supposed to date humans n stuff," said durbe, "we're aliens"

alit stuck out his tongue. "i already held hands with yuuma AND kotori that's like.... second base YOU CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO"

durbe was not actually listening. he was realizing the implications of his own words and thinking of mizael and kaito.

"um, durbe?"

"be back in a bit," said durbe, and left.

i don't know what happens next. i have been "working" on this fic for way too long, it started out as a small joke and has been sitting in my wips for months. that's too long for a goddamn shitpost. just take it and go

it;s midnight im so tired


End file.
